New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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