We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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