Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize