1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize