I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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