I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
