there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
