In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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