hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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