Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
