I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
