it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
