he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
