i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
