he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize