Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
