I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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