roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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