I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
