oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
