so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Houston, we have a blender
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize