Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
