6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
