i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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