If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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