Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
