Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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