Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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