Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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