I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
