As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
