and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
