I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
