you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
