Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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