How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
