Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
