sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize