I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
