I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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