Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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