Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
