well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
