I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize