Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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