There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is wine microwaveable?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
