Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
