My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
