I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
