I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
