: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
