You just made me feel so damn special
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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