I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
