I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
