allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
