It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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