There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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