Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
