Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
