how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
