Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
