I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
