dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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