just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
