I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
