barbara walters just said penis...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
