doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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